RB Who?? Magic from Manchester United

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Poor Peter Gulasci. The man woke up this morning like every other day when traveling. He probably kissed his wife, wished her a good night before traveling to Manchester on a business trip. Actually I know he did; she’s gorgeous. Click here (Don’t worry, it’s SFW). Unfortunately for Peter, life came at you fast.

RB Leipzig, more like RB Scheiss-zig! hah.

Manchester United did the damn thing and put on a performance for the ages at home. Ole was clearly feeling himself when he put out the Starting XI. A midfield diamond saw Pogba and Fred in between Matic and Van De Beek.

I love the formation switch from Ole who is clearly looking to both rotate the squad, and find a viable backup formation to the 4-2-3-1 he loves oh so dearly. Give the man credit where credit is due, it worked to perfection and United pummeled the pee-wee team from Leipzig. In a perfect world (FIFA 21), I’d love to see Donny play Fred’s role since Donny is young and athletic, and play Bruno in the 10. Attack Attack Attack.

All Hail Paul Pogba

Pogba looked like a rejuvenated man out there with someone sitting behind him. No longer was he required to sit deep and absorb pressure in a role he is not suited for. The Frenchman had the grace, beauty, and speed of a gazelle out there in this new role.

He had Benjamin Henrichs in his pocket all day. While on the topic, Henrichs should’ve been sent off. A yellow for pulling Pogba back, and another yellow for stomping as hard as he possibly could on our French King holding the ball up. It’s on sight if I ever see Henrichs at Old Trafford again.

Goals, Goals, Goals

Greenwood opened the account in the 21st minute and hit one in the side netting at the end of a sly run and a beautiful slip-in from Paul Pogba.

Hey, this guy might be onto something!

Fast-forward to the second half and it was more of the same from this goal-hungry side. In the 75th minute, Bruno exquisitely found a darting Rashford and netted easily past against Peter Gulasci. Side note: what the fuck was the line ref doing raising his flag .0002 seconds after the pass was played. He clearly had action against United, and should be stripped of his position for pulling that nonsense.

Next, our midfield bulldog Fred won a ball high up, Rashford completely wrong-footed Umpamecano, and fired violently past poor Peter Gulacsi yet again. Afterwards, Martial won and blasted home a penalty to open his account for the campaign after an inexplicably dumb challenge from some German nobody name Marcel Sabitzer.

Stop Stop Hes Already Dead GIF - TheSimpsons HeIsAlreadyDead Stop GIFs
Poor Peter Gulasci

Unfortunately for Peter Gulasci, the scoring wasn’t over either. In the 92 minute Martial found Rashford in the box and he rifled a half volley home. For those of you still keeping track at home, that’s 5-0 United. Peter Gulasci simply HAS to retire after today. How does he suit up again? Furthermore, how does his wife stay with a loser like him (sup)? Peter got flat out embarrassed today, and Leipzig looked like a Sunday beer league team out there. Someone tell them to save enough Dark Ale’sTM for John and Alex!

#MyManager

Ole really showed up today. I definitely want to see more of the diamond played if he can get the attackers to buy in. The defense was solid, Donny clocked 60 minutes, Pogba looked world class, Fred was everywhere, and Greenwood was banging goals like Icelandic models! I’ll let Rio do all the talking. Bring in the chorus!

About JR 17 Articles
A glimpse inside the mind of an over-reactionary and invested American Red Devil. I'm not here to argue.

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